It's been a week and one day since we got here to Missouri and I'm already in every way possible, 'home.' Being with Ryan completes me. Having him walk into our apartment door when he comes home from work, rolling over at anytime of the night or morning and seeing him lying there beside me, it's all so perfect so right. We are so in love and it's so effortless. That little over a month that we were separated was a long and rough one but I look back on it and I just know in my heart that we would not be even half as strong as we are now if we hadn't had that time to miss one another. Maybe moving in with your significant other 3 months into dating them seems a little abrupt, a little rushed but it's just not the case with him and I. Never in my wildest dreams did I think less than four months ago I'd be 16 hours away from home living with the man of my dreams, and starting my new life, I didn't even fathom it but now I could never go back. Where I belong is where he is.
Friday, April 29, 2011
As we grow older together, as we continue to change with age there is one thing that will never change; I will never stop falling in love with you:
It's been a good while and A LOT has happened and gone on since last I posted. Ryan came home and it was the happiest day of my life meeting him at the gas station a few miles up the road from where I lived. Having him in my arms, RUNNING and jumping into them. It was wonderful. Those three weeks flew by but we had a memorable time. Meeting his family, him meeting mine, spending time with one another's friends. We went to the beach, we did so much. The 21st sure crept up on us fast and before I knew it we were both loaded up his truck and my car with all of my things and I was waving goodbye to my Mom and looking back on my life and what got me to where I was all in the rear view mirror behind me. I cried so hard just in that little stretch from my house to that stop sign not even a mile from where I'd pulled out. All the memories. All the laughter, the tears, all the trouble I'd gotten into. I grew up there, and there I was about to take on a 16 hour drive following the love of my life and starting my new one.
It's been a week and one day since we got here to Missouri and I'm already in every way possible, 'home.' Being with Ryan completes me. Having him walk into our apartment door when he comes home from work, rolling over at anytime of the night or morning and seeing him lying there beside me, it's all so perfect so right. We are so in love and it's so effortless. That little over a month that we were separated was a long and rough one but I look back on it and I just know in my heart that we would not be even half as strong as we are now if we hadn't had that time to miss one another. Maybe moving in with your significant other 3 months into dating them seems a little abrupt, a little rushed but it's just not the case with him and I. Never in my wildest dreams did I think less than four months ago I'd be 16 hours away from home living with the man of my dreams, and starting my new life, I didn't even fathom it but now I could never go back. Where I belong is where he is.
"Grow old with me, the best is yet to be!"
It's been a week and one day since we got here to Missouri and I'm already in every way possible, 'home.' Being with Ryan completes me. Having him walk into our apartment door when he comes home from work, rolling over at anytime of the night or morning and seeing him lying there beside me, it's all so perfect so right. We are so in love and it's so effortless. That little over a month that we were separated was a long and rough one but I look back on it and I just know in my heart that we would not be even half as strong as we are now if we hadn't had that time to miss one another. Maybe moving in with your significant other 3 months into dating them seems a little abrupt, a little rushed but it's just not the case with him and I. Never in my wildest dreams did I think less than four months ago I'd be 16 hours away from home living with the man of my dreams, and starting my new life, I didn't even fathom it but now I could never go back. Where I belong is where he is.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
"Absence sharpens love, Presence strengthens it"
" You've given me so many things I never had, all in all I know it's you that always pulls me through & if you reach deep inside you'll see my heart is true. I hate the way I feel tonight & I know I NEED you in my life, yeah I hate the way I feel inside but for you it's always worth any sacrifice."- Red
Less than a week left. You would think (well I know I thought ),it would get easier, less stressful, that it wouldn't hurt so much. Wrong. How could it? I'm irrevocably in love, whole-heartedly smitten. Distance should never be easy when it is keeping one from their special someone. Yes, it went by pretty quickly, although some days seemed to drag on, for the most part though I can look back on the last little over a month now and be happy and thankful it didn't seem even longer. My heart has had enough of that strain. My anticipation only grows because reality is right before my eyes, so close yet not close enough to grab.
Loving Ryan was only the beginning of everything. The weekend of February 17th, 2011 he made me immortal with a simple kiss.
My body ignites with uncontrollable curiosity; my mind, body, and soul all ignite when I fantasize about what is to come for us. Roy Croft once said 'I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I'm with you.' The same goes for Ryan and I. I'm a higher quality human being just by knowing him and am an even more exceptional 'me' because he loves me and I can call him my own. I've found more happiness in life and in everything it has to offer by finding in him a heart that understands, to which I give the best gift I can give in thanks to him; a portion of myself. Life is not about how many years you live it's about how much life you had in those years. I'll live more than I even thought I'd imagined I would when I didn't have him. I have found my destiny. I have found my home.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Voglio vivere la vita intera con te:
Been a bit of a hectic day to say the least. Been feeling like I'm on this roller coaster. I know Ryan baby has felt the same way too. It's going to happen though and we just have to take the bad with a grain of salt and realize that the struggle to get through today is only going to make getting to our desired destination i.e. back into one another's arms that much more worth it. I'll be honest though today has been one of if not the hardest days since having to leave him back in February. We're in single digits now though -9 days!!!- I cannot believe it.
We have lot's planned and much fun ahead. Quality time, NO MORE SLEEPING ALONE, the beach, going out, it's just going to be a blast. I've been in the process of getting beach ready the past couple days I've been off from work lying outside in that SPRING sun, yes today was officially the first day of Spring, but yes lying in the sun getting that tan back. I have to have it or I just don't feel like me in the summer. I'm so ready to have my first summer with my Boonkie!!
Gah I can picture it now, him getting here, so close, almost in my arms, his truck pulling up and me rushing out the door running towards him, running towards the rest of my life. Me jumping and him catching me, legs wrapped around his back, lips locked, smiles huge... tears in my eyes. Mhmmm.... I don't ever wanna be away from him again, I wanna be right there with him until the very end.
Smiling shyly and kissing him tenderly, very softly, and very sweetly. Caressing his lips with mine and letting some of who I am melt into his soul, like a gentle whisper, as his arms hold me ever so close all because we love eachother.
It's just about time for us to start paving our pathway officially. 9 days and the journey begins.
Delicious Ambiguity:
When you love someone you give them the full power of destroying you but trusting that they won't. No one wants to fall in love and be the only one. We think to ourselves 'it should be the two of us.'
A mere months ago you slipped into the ventricles in my heart, spread yourself profusely through my veins, enveloped my very reason for existence, and stuck with me ever since. I can't say there hasn't been a time that you weren't on my mind because you never left. With you it's instant spontaneity, an instant and everlasting yet overpowering rush, and when I walk into a room your face is all I see. My heart races so fast when you're touching me, and I've have never felt a rush like that. You have this power to erase my fears, this power to complete me. You found me when I wasn't looking and now I'm lost...everything doesn't mean a thing if it's without you.
You are the world within me within the world that I exist in, you're the reason I stay sane. It's so hard to feel beautiful in my own skin but you make me feel beautiful over, and over again. With you I know I'm home.
Looking at your pictures takes my breath away just like you do each time you’d walked into a room; it’s as if gravity vanishes when my eyes set gaze on you and the earth no longer holds me, you do.
Knowing that there is such a person as you with your personality and vibrance in this world makes me so much more happy and optimistic about living in it. You remind me of breathing, it’s essential in order for you to keep everything working properly. You have materialized yourself into my energy source and you have become my main goal in life. Here recently I’ve begun realizing that you’ve been sent to me to do something major: change everything.
It only takes one more kiss or another cordial touch of your hand to make this already incandescent flame I have for you burn that much brighter. I can still make you out in the glow of the storm that night we were making love and afterward lying there, legs tangled, bodies touching. There you were the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, and in that silenced moment with us just staring at one another I thought to myself I have the most perfect guy on this planet, and not perfect because you haven’t any flaws but perfect because you’re perfect for me; my one and only.
I’m smitten with every little aspect that makes you the person you are sitting there listening to me read this to you right now. Head over heels for the things you do, the things you say, the way you touch me. I am complete when I’m in your arms; you wrap those arms around me, our bodies entwined, your heart it beats through my back in perfect rhythm with mine. You rock me ever so gently, your faced pressed to my neck, I feel the moisture from your breath and the coolness of your sweat.
You’re in every crevice, every corner of every pit of every artery. You’re everywhere.
You’re that mountain I didn’t believe exists, the mountain that paradise lies on. I’m there on that mountain and have been since the moment you gave your heart to me, and I’m standing there taking it all in, taking all of you in, all of your brilliance, it truly is undeniable how brilliant you are. You’re unforgettable boonkie. They say the best things in life are worth waiting for, fighting for, worth believing in and ultimately never letting go of. I still have this same ole’ heart I’ve always had but with a brand new beat. I mean ultimately we are who we are for a reason and we may never know all of them but nothing is unanswered or second guess with you. I just see it fit that every square inch and microscopic molecule of you are inside and out stays with me.
Our lives meshing into one is ultimately a breakdown of sorts, a breakdown into something immaculate, something flawless, this breakdown will piece itself out and from those pieces you and I together will build the most sturdy and reliable foundation to support out never ending and constantly growing love for one another.
Being with you is fulfilling because I finally have a man in my life who knows what he has by being with me, just like I know what I have by being with you. It’s finally mutual and it’s mends cracks and tears in my heart from always being left at the 50% mark in my past. You have saved me. Saved me from all of my faces of insecurity, despair, desperation, and loneliness. And although those things do come back to haunt me my thoughts always lead me to you for the comfort I so long searched for. With the face of an angel boy, you deserve to be treated more than right. There's nothing that can stop us if it feels right then every thing's alright. I'm gonna make a cheers to the days ahead because I see things going uphill. I look to the future and I see him. If it paves the pathway then that's the pathway I'll follow. <3
A mere months ago you slipped into the ventricles in my heart, spread yourself profusely through my veins, enveloped my very reason for existence, and stuck with me ever since. I can't say there hasn't been a time that you weren't on my mind because you never left. With you it's instant spontaneity, an instant and everlasting yet overpowering rush, and when I walk into a room your face is all I see. My heart races so fast when you're touching me, and I've have never felt a rush like that. You have this power to erase my fears, this power to complete me. You found me when I wasn't looking and now I'm lost...everything doesn't mean a thing if it's without you.
You are the world within me within the world that I exist in, you're the reason I stay sane. It's so hard to feel beautiful in my own skin but you make me feel beautiful over, and over again. With you I know I'm home.
Looking at your pictures takes my breath away just like you do each time you’d walked into a room; it’s as if gravity vanishes when my eyes set gaze on you and the earth no longer holds me, you do.
Knowing that there is such a person as you with your personality and vibrance in this world makes me so much more happy and optimistic about living in it. You remind me of breathing, it’s essential in order for you to keep everything working properly. You have materialized yourself into my energy source and you have become my main goal in life. Here recently I’ve begun realizing that you’ve been sent to me to do something major: change everything.
It only takes one more kiss or another cordial touch of your hand to make this already incandescent flame I have for you burn that much brighter. I can still make you out in the glow of the storm that night we were making love and afterward lying there, legs tangled, bodies touching. There you were the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, and in that silenced moment with us just staring at one another I thought to myself I have the most perfect guy on this planet, and not perfect because you haven’t any flaws but perfect because you’re perfect for me; my one and only.
I’m smitten with every little aspect that makes you the person you are sitting there listening to me read this to you right now. Head over heels for the things you do, the things you say, the way you touch me. I am complete when I’m in your arms; you wrap those arms around me, our bodies entwined, your heart it beats through my back in perfect rhythm with mine. You rock me ever so gently, your faced pressed to my neck, I feel the moisture from your breath and the coolness of your sweat.
You’re in every crevice, every corner of every pit of every artery. You’re everywhere.
You’re that mountain I didn’t believe exists, the mountain that paradise lies on. I’m there on that mountain and have been since the moment you gave your heart to me, and I’m standing there taking it all in, taking all of you in, all of your brilliance, it truly is undeniable how brilliant you are. You’re unforgettable boonkie. They say the best things in life are worth waiting for, fighting for, worth believing in and ultimately never letting go of. I still have this same ole’ heart I’ve always had but with a brand new beat. I mean ultimately we are who we are for a reason and we may never know all of them but nothing is unanswered or second guess with you. I just see it fit that every square inch and microscopic molecule of you are inside and out stays with me.
Our lives meshing into one is ultimately a breakdown of sorts, a breakdown into something immaculate, something flawless, this breakdown will piece itself out and from those pieces you and I together will build the most sturdy and reliable foundation to support out never ending and constantly growing love for one another.
Being with you is fulfilling because I finally have a man in my life who knows what he has by being with me, just like I know what I have by being with you. It’s finally mutual and it’s mends cracks and tears in my heart from always being left at the 50% mark in my past. You have saved me. Saved me from all of my faces of insecurity, despair, desperation, and loneliness. And although those things do come back to haunt me my thoughts always lead me to you for the comfort I so long searched for. With the face of an angel boy, you deserve to be treated more than right. There's nothing that can stop us if it feels right then every thing's alright. I'm gonna make a cheers to the days ahead because I see things going uphill. I look to the future and I see him. If it paves the pathway then that's the pathway I'll follow. <3
Sunday, March 20, 2011
& she finally found the one to take her home:
"The first few seconds that I looked into your eyes for the very first time I saw the warmest and safest place I've ever seen. I found my home in those eyes of yours and I've been there ever since. "
The countdown has begun. 10 days. I will have him in my arms again. After all my favorite place is in his arms. I don't think I've ever felt so safe. I'm getting more ecstatic with each passing day because our lives are actually going to begin. Our journey starts now and ends at 'never.' It feels right, all of it, all of what him and I are is right, all the way to my bones I feel it.
I took the liberty of talking to my Mama Leigh, and my Mamaw and Papaw today about the move. Mama Leigh was concerned with good intentions just making sure I knew how big of a choice I was making which I know whole heartedly, and Mamaw was thrilled for me. It feels good being able to give such good news to the people who mean the most to me and to who want what's best for me.
Mere months ago I'd given up on the idea of love, given up on the idea of finding my missing puzzle piece. I have him now. He's changed everything in my life in so many amazing ways.
Shakespeare said that 'the course of love will never run smooth.' It's true yes, but anyone who is madly in love doesn't want it to always be smooth. They find comfort in knowing that hard times will come but they'll have him/her to get through it with them. I've told Ryan many a time that I know it isn't always going to be fun but I'd rather fight with him, work through problems with him, work my ass off for a relationship with him, than be with anyone else.
"If I could hold love in my hand, to help you see and understand, the love I have shaped in a mold is again about to unfold, for you my king it is like gold, true love is new because true love is never old."
From now out I plan on letting love be what I do. To live vicariously in the idea that by making Ryan happy, by putting a smile on his gorgeous face, I too will live a joyous life. When he is happy I am happy. I've never been more ready to make someone happy everyday of their life like I am now. I never cared before. Until now I didn't think I'd ever have the desire to be someones everything.
Ever since Ryan has come into my life my heart no longer beats, it sings.
"Love is always bestowed as a gift- freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don't love to be loved. We love to love."
Love Conquers all:
Not that the narration of my life is necessary or that I favor others being able to relish in my personals; I've just felt recently to which now I'm making a reality to start this blog/journal/go-to page to map out the new journey my life has taken on. It's been a whirlwind, my new life. I'm smitten. Smitten with my new love who will in turn be my last, smitten with my future plans, smitten with life in general.
I thought I was in love prior to Ryan. I simply stepped into love, never fell. Now though, I am. I've fallen.
This blog is going to help me release all of the happiness, and yes the bad things when I feel it. It's going to be my go-to page and honestly if no one even follows it, if I never have a hit or a comment I won't worry. This just feels good right now. SO good, especially considering it is now getting close to 3:30 in the morning and I'm (unlike normal people), not asleep. I'd be doing this very thing right now minus all the typing if I hadn't have signed up for this blog in the first place. Thinking. Non-stop thinking. I've basically been fantasizing the past few hours.
I'll fill you in.
Ryan and I are planning to start our lives, yep, we're moving in. I'm relocating sometime this summer to Missouri and we're going to do what we're best at, fall more in love. I've never been more sure, and confident of a choice in my life like I am about him and I. This blog although might narrate my other life stories will be a way for me to map out Ryan and I's journey. It's going to be fun. I'm so excited, and to think that one main thing got me to do this in the first place, one word often overused and in this day and age very much underrated and cliche'... LOVE. Every one else can overuse and continue making it meaningless but I for one AM in love. So very much so in love. OH MANNN... I'm so excited. HERE WE GO!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)